Community Perspectives: Advice for the Holidays
The holidays can be a difficult time for LGBTQ+ people - We hope this newsletter helps you prepare for the holidays and hopefully find love and joy while celebrating.
The Holidays are a time for Queer Joy
The holiday season is often associated with family gatherings, festive traditions, and an overall sense of joy. However, for many LGBTQ+ individuals, the holidays can be a time of mixed emotions—especially when navigating family dynamics or societal expectations. While the season may come with challenges, it is also a time full of opportunity for self-expression, connection, and the chance to create meaningful traditions. For LGBTQ+ people, the holidays can be a time not only to endure but to truly celebrate.
Here are several reasons why the holidays should be a time for LGBTQ+ individuals to embrace joy, celebration, and personal growth.
A Chance to Embrace Authenticity
For many LGBTQ+ people, the holiday season provides a special opportunity to be their true selves—whether that means wearing that fabulous sweater that reflects their personality, sharing their pronouns, or simply showing up without having to hide or censor parts of their identity.
If you’ve come out recently or have spent years hiding parts of yourself in family or social settings, the holidays can be a time to fully embrace your authentic identity. Whether you’re celebrating with chosen family or in a community of LGBTQ+ friends, the holiday season offers the chance to connect in a space where you can be yourself without fear of judgment. This can be especially empowering in a time when traditional gender roles and heteronormative expectations often dominate the cultural landscape.
For example:
Queer fashion: Many LGBTQ+ individuals find the holidays an ideal time to express themselves through their clothing, whether it’s wearing something gender nonconforming, gender-neutral, or simply a look that expresses their personal style.
Pronouns: Celebrating the holidays with people who respect your pronouns can be an affirming and validating experience, allowing you to feel seen for who you truly are.
The holidays can serve as a reminder that you deserve to exist fully in every space you occupy.
Creating Your Own Traditions
The traditional family gathering, with its set routines and expectations, doesn’t always align with the experiences or values of LGBTQ+ individuals. But rather than feeling alienated or pressured to fit into a "perfect" holiday mold, LGBTQ+ people have the opportunity to create their own traditions—ones that reflect their own values, experiences, and desires.
Chosen family celebrations: Many LGBTQ+ people find deep meaning in celebrating with their chosen family—friends, partners, and other loved ones who have provided unwavering support and acceptance. Whether it’s hosting a dinner, attending an LGBTQ+-friendly event, or even organizing a gift exchange, creating new traditions with those who truly understand and affirm your identity can make the holidays feel more special and meaningful.
Inclusive and affirming spaces: Many LGBTQ+ communities host their own holiday events—queer-friendly Christmas markets, drag brunches, and festive LGBTQ+ parties. These spaces allow LGBTQ+ individuals to celebrate the season in ways that feel inclusive, safe, and joyful.
Celebrating non-traditional holidays: You don’t have to celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah to experience the holiday spirit. LGBTQ+ people might also choose to honor different cultural or personal milestones, such as celebrating Pride at a winter festival, honoring gender identity awareness days, or simply making time for self-care and reflection.
The holidays are what you make of them—so why not create celebrations that bring you joy and help you feel connected to those who matter most?
To that end, we hope you will join us on December 12th for the Equality Arizona Holiday Party!
Celebrating Love and Diversity
For LGBTQ+ people, the holidays are also a time to celebrate love in all its forms. Whether it’s romantic love, familial love, or platonic love, the season provides an opportunity to reflect on the many different types of relationships that bring joy and meaning into our lives.
Romantic relationships: For LGBTQ+ couples, the holidays can be a beautiful time to celebrate love and partnership. Whether it’s your first holiday together or your fiftieth, the joy of being with a partner who accepts and loves you for who you are is a celebration in itself.
Love and acceptance: For LGBTQ+ people who may not be fully accepted by their biological families, the holidays can be a reminder to cherish the love they have created in their chosen families. Celebrating these bonds allows LGBTQ+ individuals to affirm their worth and to focus on the positive connections in their lives.
Celebrating diversity: In a broader sense, the holidays are also a time to celebrate the rich diversity of the LGBTQ+ community. Each individual’s story, journey, and identity contribute to the vibrancy and strength of the community as a whole. Taking time to acknowledge and celebrate this diversity allows for greater appreciation and inclusivity—qualities that align with the spirit of the holidays.
Celebrate Progress: Take time to reflect on how far you’ve come in your personal journey. Whether you’ve recently come out, found a supportive community, or simply made peace with parts of your identity, the holiday season can be a time for gratitude and celebration of growth.
The holiday season presents unique challenges for LGBTQ+ individuals, but it can also be a time of great joy, connection, and personal growth. Whether you’re navigating family dynamics, celebrating with chosen family, or prioritizing self-care, remember that you have the power to shape your own experience. The holidays are about joy, love, and connection—make them yours. And if the season feels difficult, know that you’re not alone. Reach out for support, prioritize your well-being, and always celebrate the beauty of your authentic self.
Navigating the Holidays for LG BTQ+ People
‘Tis the season… No matter your faith background, it’s the time of year when families get together. That may be challenging to those of us who are in the LGBTQIA2S+ community. Loneliness, isolation, and challenge may be more of our experience. If you are being invited by your biological family or family of origin for a holiday celebration, here are some important tips to keep in mind.
Take care of yourself. Start with the basics: get plenty of sleep, eat healthy meals, drink water, take your prescribed medicine, exercise, and seek medical attention if you need it. If you’re doing well in those areas, do the things that revive your spirit. Anything from listening to your favorite tunes to reading a good book or journaling.So many options so do what's right for you. Care for yourself, just like you would for a good friend. Decorate your space with LGBTQIA2S+ ornaments/banners/etc. along with your holiday swag.
Plan ahead. Prepare family members with clear expectations and boundaries. Educate them with materials from PFLAG. GLSEN and One-n-Ten. These organizations are information sources for adults, young adults, and youth. Advocate for yourself using facts that support your request(s) and appear confident in tone and body language. Be safe by making a plan, rehearsing it a few times, and having a safety plan as well.
Find affirming places of support. Chosen family, groups, and places that are supportive, provide safety, and affirmation of your identity. This can be events, like holiday LGBTQIA2S+ events like concerts, holiday tours, religious events, and more. Engage with supportive allies who can show you kindness and love.
Volunteer and embrace the love. Show love to others by giving your time and energy. Find ways through organizations that fit your values: religious, queer supports, advocacy, whatever fits you best. Embrace the love shown from your chosen family, family members who support you, allies, and many other groups.
If you are feeling suicidal, know who to call. Nationally, the crisis line is 988 for calls and 741741 for texts. Locally, you can find a warm line to talk to someone here. You are a beloved part of our community, our state, this country, and the world.
We have come very far in the last years and decades. We will continue to fight to make progress. Each of these steps is a show of love for you. As you are able, advocate, show up, and make a difference.
by The Rev. Dr. Corey Meier they/he
Letter from Liz, Mom of a Gay Son
My name is Liz. I am the parent of 5 adult children whose ages range from 21-33. Eight years ago our oldest son came out as gay. We have been so lucky to have been on this journey of listening to many LGBTQ experiences, learning new things, and loving this community and our son.
The holidays can be delightful AND fraught with both anxiety and difficulty. Many come together as extended families, some gather with chosen families, and others feel isolated or cast off/unwelcome. Even without the complexity of melding our LGBTQ family members and other family members who may be negative or unaffirming, the holidays can be hard. We come with different religious experiences and beliefs; we bring varied political thoughts; and we span a number of generations.
Let’s first be wise if our holiday celebrations will include those who will be potentially harmful to our mental health or even physical safety. Those situations should be navigated with the greatest intentional forethought and intention. Include other safe and trusted loved ones in your planning and decision-making regarding family events.
Minus those circumstances, my advice would be to see if you have the mental and emotional bandwidth to be a peacemaker. Mesa City Councilwoman, Julie Spilsbury, said, “Peacemaking and peacekeeping are different in my estimation. Peacekeepers want people to remain silent so there is no disagreement. Peacemakers speak truth with kindness to improve the world.” She quotes David Pulsipher who studies peace and conflict, “I don’t define peace as the absence of conflict. I define peace as conflict that has been transformed through love.”
There may be hope for transformation in your family or there may not be. But if you have a desire to gather with your family who may believe differently than you, then attempting to be a Peacemaker is what I try to keep in mind.
My friend Michael Soto has said that “…bridges are built when people develop authentic connections across their differences – when they can express their thoughts, assumptions, ideas, emotions, and so on to each other in a relationship characterized by trust, empathy, vulnerability, and risk taking”. No doubt this can be a heavy lift. If the relationships are valuable enough to us, however, the lift can be worth it.
One last quote that I love is from Martin Luther King: “People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they haven’t communicated with each other.” We may “know” our family members, but have we truly communicated with them. Communication is to share or exchange information, news, or ideas and requires that we both share and listen. This type of interface with our loved ones will help us understand each other. In turn, it will help us to better get along with each other.
At this time of year, during the holiday season, my hope is for each of your joy. If that is with your family of birth, then I say with admiration, blessings to you and yours. If that is with your chosen family, I still fondly hope for the best of celebrations. At the same time, if you are unsure about where you can connect and yet you have that desire, my wish is that you can find a place where your goodness and your unique humanity will be appreciated and celebrated.
by Liz, she/her